Beat the Betes ZUMBATHON.........

Today our Local Diabetes Education Office had a Zumbathon! It was so much fun! I can honestly say after 2 hours of Zumba every muscle in my body is screaming "What the world were you thinking!" Q got to attend as well. Of course she loved it! Anything that involves loud music and dancing is right up her alley.

It was a chilly morning but that didn't stop any one from coming. The goal was Zumba our buns off for 2 hours and raise some money for the local kids with Type 1 D. I believe we accomplished both. We also got to meet other families with kids with D. I think is good for our kids to know that they aren't alone and there are other kids like them.

Quincy got to get up on stage twice! I can say that she definitely doesn't mind being the center of attention. She got to go up once and help lead a dance and then again at the end to help with the cool down. She thought that was pretty cool!

Everyone that works on these events, attends these events, and makes a donation should know how much the community support means to us. So I just want to say THANK YOU! Thank you to the great staff at Trinity Diabetes Education Department. Thank you to all the volunteer instructors from around town. Thank you to everyone that came out and Zumbathon'd. Thank you to everyone who donated.

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?”

 

You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”

"You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”

After the last few years I believe that this quote is something we should all think about. This post is more about the struggles of living the D life as a momma. Sometimes we get so got up in our kids that we forget to take care of ourselves and love ourselves too.

Most of teenage years and my adult life I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks. I hide them very well for a long time. I never really considered myself depressed. I tried a few different medication along the way with very little success. Most of them I was allergic too. ( mmm.. wonder where Q gets her allergies from ) Starting this journey was no different.

At the time of diagnosis you really don't have time to fall apart. Hell you don't have time for much. All you think about is your child and keeping them alive! You try to learn as much as possible about D. This is when it started to consume me. This is when I started to spiral and not even know it. I let D take over and run my life. There were points over the last few years that I was in what I thought was a good place. Looking back I'm certain that I haven't really been in a good place for a while.

Q has had a run of illnesses that started last August and have continued until the present. Most are related to her allergies. This is when I know I started to hit bottom. Being in and out of the doctors offices at least 2-3 times a month, antibiotic after antibiotic, nebulizers, insulin, sights, allergy shots twice a week, high blood sugar, ketones, dehydration, sleeping maybe 2-3 hrs a night, keeping up the house,  and don't forget that thing called a full time job! Hey did you know that I have a husband too? How do you not let this take over your life?

I realized I was not dealing well about March. I had come to the end of my rope. It was after one of the worst weekends we had seen in a while. I took her in to  Dr U and that when I snapped. I believe my words were along the lines of " I'm about to loose my shit! I don't know what the hell to do anymore! I hate this stupid F'ing disease!" Poor Dr U. The look on his face was priceless. He then said to me, " I think its time to go to the hospital." Q had been dehydrated and got us a 1 night stay in the peds unit. Its amazing what a few bags of fluids will do for a D kid. She came out of there the best I had seen her in months. There was a glimmer of hope that things were starting to look up.

But guess what? I never took the time to stop and take care of myself. I was coming apart at the seems. My life was fully consumed by D. I would hear people talking behind my back about how crazy I was over D. All she does is post on FB about D, she never talks about anything else, does she think shes the only one with problems, are her problems really that bad...... Those are just a few of my favorites. It became very difficult for me to even talk to my friends about anything. They didn't want to hear about D anymore. So I would try to talk about other things. Well I didn't have anything else to talk about. My life was all about Q and D!

That's when I realized that something had to change. My cloths no longer fit. I had put on so much weight I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I was having more panic attacks. My friends talking behind my back. I couldn't remember the last time I got dressed up and went out with Matt.  Ben and Jerry were the only late night dates I was having! That's when I realized....
"You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”

I decided that I wanted to be Marie again. Not just Q's mom. Not just that girl that talks about D all the time. I wanted a life again. I wanted to feel good about myself. I wanted to live again.I want to be a good friend, wife, and mother again. I know that it isn't easy. There will be bumps and bruises along the way. I know my friends will put me in my place. I am truly blessed with great people in my life who have been there and will continue to be!

I have started to love myself and learn to not let D define me! I have started to eat healthy, exercise, and take time for my friends and I. I have lost 20lbs. I am eating Paleo/Clean. I have gone out with friends and managed to keep D away!


 

Step Out Video 2012

Q makes me proud!

Part 2

I made Quincy's appointment for first thing in the morning. I had hoped that we could just make it a quick trip in to the doctors office and then I could make it to work by the time we opened. Well, as it turned out I wouldn't return to work for a week.
I always hate sitting in the waiting room. I hate even more sitting in those little rooms waiting for for the doctor to come in. That morning we ended up sitting in one of those rooms for what seemed like for ever.
The nurse called Q's name. We did the small talk on the way to the room about what was going on. I was telling her some of Q's symptoms. She started to get really quiet. She took all the vitals. She mentioned that Q had lost a bit of weight. Then she said I am going to get he doctor, he will be right in. He literally was in the room within seconds. I remember thinking how odd that was. He's never that fast. I told him everything that was going on. He asked Q to do a urine sample. So we tried. She wouldn't go pee. Are you kidding me. This from the kid that has been peeing all the time. So we sat in that little room for a little while in hopes that she would have to go. Nothing.
We must have been there a least a hour by this point. I was going to be late for work. I hate being late for anything. They still hadn't said anything to me as to what was wrong either. Dr U finally came back in. He said since she had not gone to the bathroom we needed to do some lab work. The nurse came back in. I remember thinking she wasn't smiling anymore. She always smiled. That's when I started to get worried. We went down to the lab.